A few days ago, someone commented on one of my posts saying, “You are the reason true anorexics are terrified of recovery.”
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It was one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me, & while I’m fully recovered, it pierced through me. It made me think of how I used to say similar things to myself when I was sick. It made me feel like my ED history wasn’t valid. I remembered that while I accept my body, there are many people in our thin-obsessed society who don’t. I remembered first starting recovery and saying to myself, “I can recover, but I can’t go over x weight.” I thought of how if I knew I was going to be the size I am now back when I was sick, it would’ve sent me into a tailspin. & that’s bc I had false ideas about bodies & health & worth & happiness.
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Another thing that contributed is that ED treatment can be fatphobic. We tell sufferers that recovery won’t make them fat, & we talk about “feeling fat” in recovery spaces w/o breaking down why we shouldn’t fear fat.
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Fat isn’t a bad word. It’s a descriptor. Yes, I’m fat, & that’s completely okay.
Much of my young life was filled w/ false messaging that demonized fat & convinced me that you could see someone’s health by looking at them. People are afraid of becoming fat bc they see how fat people are treated. You can’t know someone’s health based on their appearance, & going further, all people deserve respect regardless of their health. You wouldn’t disrespect a thin person bc they have asthma or chronic pain or some other health issue, so why do we do this to fat people? We assume that health issues happen bc of someone’s size, when most of the time, they don’t. This leads to unethical, ineffective medical treatment that keeps people from finding health. All people are worthy regardless of their health status.
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I’m proud that while that comment hurt, it didn’t rock my journey. I’m living a multidimensional life, free from ED behaviors & thoughts. I’m appreciating my body for how resilient it is & how much it went through to get me here. Think before you speak, and work to make this world a safe place for people in all bodies bc clearly there’s still so much work to do.
